There is a balance to be found in life...
Mood:  lazy
...and I think I found it on Sunday. While Saturday seems like one of the most productive days that I've ever had, Sunday was the exact opposite. It was just like day and night. Honestly, Saturday night cut into Sunday day time so its easy to see where the mayhem begins. I slept in until about 2pm. I was suppos'da do a lot of stuff, but I guess somewhere between Saturday night and Sunday afternoon I contracted a major case of the supos'da's! Oh well, I chalk it up to the fact that I am still trying to adjust to life off of the couch. Its not an easy transition. I would not recommend going from 40+ hours of couch duty to 40+ hours of intense mental concentration augmented by standing on your feet all day without warming up first. But what the hell am I complaining about, I'm still a young whipper-snapper and I've got years ahead of me. I'm just gonna suck it up and keep on keepin' on!
And on a much more somber note, I'm really going to miss Johnny Carson! The whole late night world feels the loss of its founding patriarch. Much love to you Johny, may you laugh with the best of them now.

Eddie, Al and Frank, oh my...
Today was an awesome day. It started out with me meeting my brother at the gym, half an hour late. If anything, this morning definitely said welcome back to your hustle and bustle life. I called his house and the sister-in-law answered. It was almost like she was scolding me for being late. I tried calling one of his cell phones and she answered again. AAH! So at last I called the right number but I figured he didn't answer cause he was already working out. So I got my lazy but out of bed, there on some clothes and drove straight to the gym. If I lived close it wouldn't be a problem, but I don't. I live half an hour away from EVERYTHING. Yes, I'm nestled up nicely right against the San Xavier Mission, so commute time is always expected to be 20 minutes on top of a reasonable time. Let me just tell you, after 18 years of doing it, IT FUCKING BLOWS!! So, I got to the gym, got in a decent work out, then we went to Chipotle. For those for you who don't know, thats Spanish for McDonald's. That was good, though I had to fight for that over Viva Burrito. I like them both, but the real take home point was the location, right across the street from Ballys.
Then I had to haul ass all the way across town to the west end of the dust bowl to buy a book for a class that started a week ago. I was so broke ass from being sick that I couldn't afford it until I got money. So I get to West Campus and all I could think was 'find a bathroom NOW!' so I decided to find a bathroom. Then, as I went into the bookstore to find the book that I needed, I saw the last used book being taken off the shelf by a guy that obviously got there seconds before me. So That was sort of a bummer, but it could have been worse. To score some Karma points (I'm saving up to buy an RV one day) I donated a dollar to the Tsunami relief fund. It wasn't the very least I could do, but it was close to the bottom. As I left I recalled all the times that I had spent there at West Campus as an Art major in another lifetime. It was touching to see how everything felt so familiar, yet so distance. Oh sweet naustalgia....
Anyway, as I took my book and left I called my friend Selena, who I'm taking the class with, to find out if we had any homework that I should be working on. She said no but that she found a great suit for her Pharmacy school interview coming up in a couple weeks. We decided that we would get together tomorrow to study. She is so cool...
So the next destination was Jamie and Shamie' house. My extended family on the Res. I was going to get them to take them to the Girls Basketball game that the U. I had promised my brother that I would meet him and the baby there. He said he would be dressing her in her cheer leading uniform. Me being totally oblivious to everything, didn't fully consider what kind of people went to womens basketball, until Jamie and Shamie clarified for me. So according to them, womens basketball is a lesbian sport. And even if I didn't believe them, I saw enough mullets and studded black leather jackets to convince anybody. Parking was a bitch, but me and the girls had a blast, like we do with everything. During the game, where the U of A wildcats played the Oregon state Beavers (Not joking) my little niece slept through the first half of the game. I don't know how, it was loud and noisy, but the second half she totally made a slob of herself. She made her uncle proud today...sniff sniff... and so did the wildcats, who kept a 20 point lead the entire game.
After wards, I took the girls back home, we played so cards, then I went to go see my Hospice patient. I'm a volunteer so I am assigned a case where I go and spend time with a patient 2-4 times a months. The training was a bit bumpy but spending time with people is well worth the hassle for me. He is doing great by the way. We I got there his daughter, which is his caretaker, was having him dance to some Mexican music, to try and work his leg muscles. I had a nice talk with him, and I told him that next time I come over that I would bring a game that we could play.
After a while I left there and went back to the Twins' house where we had a bonfire cookout. There was Lips&ass (hot dogs) and Deermeat aplenty. And then we made smores! Going to see Jamie and Shamie has long since been one of my favorite things to do. I have such a wonderful feeling when I go, and time seems to stop dead in its tracks. Its like a safety spot from life. I think that one of the reasons that its like that is because their family spends to much time together interacting and maintaining close bonds. The only real close bond from the TP that I come from is the bond from the hand the the remote control. Thats the only lasting bond here, all other seem less than important to the heads of the household. Anyway, we spent some good quality time with the family, then we went out. It was my first outing in over a month so I was a little hesitant to go, but I wanted to spend more quality time with my sista's so I went. I like traveling together with them. It always feels so right.
So we began our journey to have a good time with a trip to the 'fishpond' (the town lesbian bar)where we met up with Tucson's one and only Monica Samaniego, thank god. She is a huge party animal that somehow manages to pull off the task of being responsible. Oh well, like I should talk. Anyway, in the 'fishpond', I think that I realized why I would always want to go clubbing so much, I think that I had got addicted to the nicotine just being there and being it my primary exposure to the addicitive substance, was the means which I pursued to obtain more nicotine. We only stayed for a short bit then it was off to Tucson's gay bar. While there is actually more than 1 gay bar in Tucson, IBTs is the only hole-in-the-wall for gay men worth talking about. I felt a little strange coming again to my old haunt that I hadn't occupied in what seemed like forever, considering everything else I've been dealing with. Anyway, the old feeling came back and I felt that I resumed partial ranking of IBT's royalty once again. Granted I'm not the queen, but I will dig my heal into whoever gets in my way to regain that title. Ok, not really, but its always nice talking to people and having people talk about me. I am sure that there are vicious rumors floating around even still, but its all part of being popular. So I saw some familiar faces and I met some new ones tonight. I finally got to meet the other Scott. I was so happy. There is this couple who both have the first name of Scott and I had met one of them at work, but I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting the other one, and I kept bumping into the same Scott all over, but I hadn't met his partner until tonight. I recognized him from just seeing him around, but I made a correlation in my mind now and felt great about that. Then later on the dance floor there was this innocent looking man, who looked like he was lost and I couldn't help but stop dancing and say something to him. I asked him if he was doing alright and if it was his first time here. He said he was fine and that he had been here before. I then asked him to dance with me. He accepted. We danced for a while and then went out onto the patio to talk. His name was Micheal and he works at American Airlines booking tickets over the phone (I'm sure there is a proper title for that position) anyway, thats about all I got from him because I turned into that social butterfly and fluttered away into the night. I saw Joe and Paul, they were both drunk, which makes them both obnoxiously hilarious, and I saw Gavin, who totally wants to sleep with me, and I saw many other friendly faces, including Rousel, who invited me to an after party. Me and the girls decided to go. It was cool. It was in the basement floor of a pizzeria downtown and it was so ravesque. It started off a little slow but it picked up. There were so many under 21ers there because it was non-alcoholic and it was nice to say hi to all them. I danced the night away there and met some interesting people. I saw Angel there, who is one of said under-21ers, and he pointed out a wallflower that he thought was cute, but couldn't build up the nerve to go and talk to him, so I went with him and sped up the process. We Met Eddie, who was a cute curly-haired stockily-built Phoenician, down in Tucson for the heck of it, with his friend AL, who was tall and skinny and dressed for snowy weather. Then there was Frank, who we all met on the dance floor. He seemed nice at first, then really flirtatious, but then turned out to be kind of crazy I think. He asked me to take him to the bathroom, so I did, and then I think he was expecting me to make a move, but I didn't and then he complimented me on how handsome and articulate I am. Ok, it was just overboard tonight. But the guys from phoenix were really cool. They weren't sure if they were going to try and find a hotel and stay the night or drive back up to Phoenix tonight. They parked by IBT's and the after party was downtown, only about a 10 minute walk away, but I offered to drive them back to IBTs, since I was parked closer. So the night wrapped up with Frank trying to go home with the Phoenicians, and them walking away when he tried to give them his number. In the car ride over to IBT's I think he offered to let them stay at his house 5 times. I think they were a Little freaked out by it, and I say that because while Frank was far enough away to be out of earshot, Eddie asked me if I knew him because he was really starting to freak him out. I think he was relieved to know that I wasn't associated with him in any way. Anyway, I got them back from point B to point A, gave them a hug each and my number, cause they asked for it not cause I'm desperate, and sent them on their way. Great, one objective down, next objective, get crazy boy back to point A and out of my car. That was easy enough, all I had to do was humor him by letting him continuously complimenting me all the way back and then asking me if I wanted to see his tattoos. It was strange but over soon enough. After all that I took the girls home, grabbed a Pepsi for the road and made the long journey home (about 5 minutes down the road). Arrival time 5:12. After an awesome and productive day I only have two things to say; Damn I'm exhausted, and two; Damn its good t be back sir!
Much love to all who have bothered to read this far.

I'm over it!
Mood:  chillin'
Wednesday I had my big Pharm School interview. I've been telling everyone that I think it went ok. In reality, I think it went ok, except I think I was interviewed by a bump on a log, one that does a lot of research in bacteriology and virology. I thought that my angle would be kind of cool going in there being an artist and a science-minded thinker, but it didn't really seem to impress either the bump on the log or the 1st year pharmacy student that was co-interviewing. He was really mellow and nice, but sort of uninvolved. Rest assured, I guarantee that if I ever get to the point where they are that I will put a lot more enthusiasm into the interview than either of them did. So here goes, I have folded the last of my figurative thousand paper cranes and sent them sailing, hopefully I will be blessed with a special gift come April when I find out that I have beat out 400 other hopefuls for a spot to bust my ass of 4 years straight. And if I don't get in its because God didn't want me there yet, or at least thats what I've been told. Don't get me wrong, it was a very warm sentiment and I appreciate it immensely, but its not exactly along my belief system. I think that the woman was right, to a point, in telling me that our skills and talents are bestowed upon our persons from before birth, but Who determines what you get and what about the wasted potential factor? There are a great many minds that go to complete pot because of unambitious peers or superiors, what about those people? Did God intend for them to waste their lives taking your change at the toll booth? I doubt it. And I'm not trying to knock anyones faith or disrespect any belief system, I'm just saying that I think that there are more factors than just the gift you were given and the set-in-stone road map of fate to navigate you through life.
Anyway, I promised myself that I would forget about it until closer to the time of decision so that I could function properly and focus on daily tasks without stressing out at every free moment of time that my mind came across. Now onto the lasting effects of Impetigo. It just doesn't end. It was bad enough I had to move my life around to fit this nasty little thing into my life, but the impact it has left in my life has taken me from super stud to super crud. Sorry ladies and gentlemen, more importantly the gentleman, there will be no pictures posted of this sad state of affairs. I chose to recover in solitude. I don't like to show my weaknesses, so instead I get it out by blabbing about it online like I'm doing. And I know I really shouldn't say this, but what the hell, its a new year, and its time to take some risks... I think the worst part is over and things will hopefully improve from here. Here is wishing the best to you and hoping that you are off to a great start to 2005, which in Chinese astrology, I think is the year of the raging bacteria, or at least it would be if it were up to me. Its a good thing its not. Gummi Out!

Damn its been a while
Mood:  on fire
Topic: New Years bang
...and to all my loving fans, hello. I'm still alive. I had a couple exciting things happen over the winter break. The first real big one was the Flu. Oh yeah baby. And I don't think that Ive ever had the flu because I honestly thought I was dieing of some ungodly disease. So that made my New Years really uneventful, I spent it on the couch with my parents and Nathan nearby. And shortly after the onset of the Flu was exciting thing number 2, Impetigo! Yeay! Impetigo, for those of you who don't know, is a bacterial infection of the skin most often caused by mutant strains of either Staphylococcus aureus or Streptococcus. In my case the bacterial infection of the skin took precedence on my face, in the area where I shave my facial hair, probably due to improper shaving techniques and unsanitary utility storage. That was really exciting, because of that I had to reschedule my interview with the college of pharmacy because my face looked like a disease ridden cactus, scabbed over and hairy because I couldn't shave. But things are returning back to normal. But not before exciting thing number 3! My cell phone took a plunge into the washing machine. I mean sure, it was clean as a whistle but nevermore would I see the blinding blue light of my little Motorola. I had no choice but to upgrade, which is good 'cause it keeps me hip with all the youngsters, but I had to leave the confines of my home still battling exciting thing number 2, and to make things worse, I couldn't find my Phantom of the Opera mask to cover my hideous complexion from the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter to the world and don't think for a second that I have a negative attitude towards all this. I really had a lot of fun with it. I don't consider myself a complainer, but when there is something to say, I don't hesitate. Anyway, I was kept hidden from the world for the first few weeks of the new year, and only now am I ready to come out. Hopefully I will have a really great year in 2005 considering my really crappy start. And I can't say that its all been bad, after all, I haven't had to leave the house for 3 weeks, its been a relaxing vacation in disguise. So to all of you who read this, I have a simple request, actually two simple requests. The first is, please call me or somehow send me your number as I lost them all in the wash. And 2, if you see me out and about, please don't flinch at my appearance as I have a little bit of residuals from the breakout but the doctor says it wont scar, and all the weight I've gained should come right off after I have no choice but to keep moving all day instead of sitting at home and watching TV. Oh I can't wait to resume my normal life. Look out 2005, I'm coming at you with a running start, a late running start, but its better than nothing...

Its alive...
Mood:  silly
...for those anxiously anticipating my next post, relax! You're turning blue in the face and you won't poop right for a week now. Don't cry for me Argentina, I survived the Fall street fair and now its time to brave the holidays. I am not broadcasting live from a satelite location, CasadeMora East, where I'm baby sitting for a week, then next week I will brave new territory when I renew my Honorary Lesbian License and Doggysit Daphne's dogs while She goes home for the holidays. Double bonus! Worry not Diva, Daddy still loves you and is confident that at least your grandmother is taking good care of you. I can't speak for grandpa, for all I know he could be trying to kill you. Just to be safe, I would make sure and pester him as much as possible at night like I'm sure you are doing. That way you will wear down his energy and leave him too exhausted to follow through with a plot to kill you.
To all that still check this sight regularly, Hello. and to all that don't, um, no big loss I guess. It would still be nice of you to at least send money in place of your love and affection. SHESSH!
Oh well, everyday can't be a winner. Take care all.

This falls fashion tips...
Hello all good Tucsonans and others who may have found my blog, I have done some research over the past few days and feel inspired enough to share with you all my collected wisdom in Comso fashion adviser format. Ok, I'm no Kerry Bradshaw but I know a good fashion tip when I see one, so here goes.
Fall tip #1 Run, jump, swim, dive, or use some other form of mechanical coordinated movement in order to get your goopy goober buns to the theater and see the Sponge Bob Square pants movie. I did, and it was a blast. I thought that I would be out of place so I went with a friend from work, and as it turns out, there was no need for a buffer. The entire theater was filled with adults there to see Sponge Bob, in fact, I think the first 2 rows were filled with filthy pirates...Anyhow, this will help to even out those creepin crows feet and help shrink those gaping pores by resorting to a youthful state of mind, and even if it doesn't the laughing will do you good and the movie lighting is low enough to make you seem more attractive to a prospective mate.
Fall tip #2 Keep organized! And if you aren't, then you better getchu some. Feel free to choose any method or device that might enhance your potential by keeping things orderly, palm pilots, date books, steel cabinets with manila folders, if you opt for the personal assistant, make sure that he knows what he is doing, and if not, at least make sure that he looks cute while trying to figure out what he should be doing. Whatever you choose get it together cause savvy is in this season.
Fall tip #3 Watch out for Brians! I know that every new fall season comes wrought with its own menacing obstacle, and this season I truly believe that the obstacle is embodied in those born under the name Brian. Beware of these Wiley fellas. However enticing they might appear Gummi Joe suggests that unless you are an experienced user, you should steer clear of these commodities, at least until next season when the watchword resumes with the 'Chris's'. Yes folks, this is one accessory best worn well or not at all. Don't be fooled my their initially pleasant demeanor, there is a geyser of trouble to be tapped when these sleeping giants are awakened, or better yet, aroused.
So in recap, go see Sponge Bob, getchu some organization, and do or don't the 'Brian's.
Eggplant is the new black, Beehives are over, crack whore makeup is slightly over done, and Cardigans Cardi-Can!
In the paraphrased words of Bucky the Cat, '...tell them its good and jack up the price before they can form an opinion of their own.'

A very special day...
Mood:  amorous
...A beginning of an era,
revelations unfurled,
something special happened,
when you entered this world,

A light for some,
a force for others,
your presence always felt,
one way or another.

A force for some,
for me it was love,
I am thankful for you,
I can't say it enough.

Exit youth, enter wisdom,
beauty is refined,
you're more lovely than ever,
and your just twenty-nine.

so much fire emitted,
yet still a spark left aglow,
Happy birthday to Nathan,
from your loving friend, Joe.

Body Count and The Answer
Mood:  irritated
To all of those who regularly read this blog in hopes of finding a more optimistic point of view from a very jaded society, I encourage you to look away from todays post, for it is not an easy pill to swallow. NO, I mean it, stop here and come back tomorrow if you are not interested in details of my sex life. Ok fine.
In response to certain members of the gay community of Tucson's personal viewpoints, or should I say stereotypes, of what a person of my stature/demeanor/orientation/size/type/insert-your-own-attribute-here should do with his body, I have decided to list, in chronological order every person that I have ever shared more than an innocent kiss with, if ya know what I mean...
1. Jeffery B. c.1994
2. Bobby H. c.2000
3. Nathan S. 2000-
4. Ernest J. c.2001
5. Tobey c.2002
6. Paul D. c.2003
7. Richard W. c.2003
8. Tom D. c.2003
9. Chris R. c.2004
10. B.C R. c.2004
11. Jacob R. c.2004
12. Mike TPDGU c.2004
13. Carlos S. c.2004
14. Rick H. 7-4-2004
15. Andrew B. c.2004

There you have it. 15 partners in 10 years. That calculates out to an average of one and a half partners per year, way under the average I'm sure, not that I'm concerned with that, and certainly not half of Tucson, and definitely not networked across the globe. So for all of those Dubious, Over-assumptious, Presumptuous, Envious, Sycophants out there, and you know who you are, you 'dopes', I say to you "FUCK OFF", or better yet, "GET FUCKED", cause it sure won't be me and maybe after you get a good piece of whatever it is you're after, you can take enough interest in your own pathetic lives to stop wasting time putting mine down. Not that I owe an explanation to anyone, but I actually do have standards that must be met in selecting a sex partner. It's taken some time to clarify them in my own mind, but I know they were always there, despite the fact that youthful ignorance is blinding. My selectiveness of partners is like a fierce zephyr, invisible to all but its commander, yet strong enough to sail great ships across the sea. My own pursuit of interests takes me to some foreign places sometimes, but I remain true to my desires and I am very much capable of acting as my own internal-watchdog/whistle blower.
It saddens me that as much as we are marginalized as members of the homosexual community of Tucson, that rather than unite and support , we choose instead to sit around and find the most gossip laden bean bag and play hot-potato in our overlaying social circles until it has been spread all over town like a bad rash. This is so not what we need people! What the hell ever happened to genuine sincere relationships between friends? Why does even the idea of sex spoil them so much? Can anyone see the bigger picture here? Perhaps this is an eye opener for me. I have found it unimaginably difficult to maintain friends with any gay males either because of sex, the topic of sex, or the lack of sex. This is not to say that there are not other factors at play here. I'm trying to present myself in the least-biased light possible given the fact that I am representing myself in this case. Believe it or not, sex is not at the tip top of my priority list. I've had it, it was fun, but I am looking for something else now. Thats not to say that I wont do it again, but I really am starting to feel an aversion towards it due to the manifestation of some unwelcome ramifications. It seems like people willing to accept change, in themselves primarily, and in the rest of the world eternally. Given a strong enough desire, one person can strive to evolve, to become better, to live freer. It doesn't happen over night, but with effort it can happen. I have seen in my short time here, some amazing transformations. I have also seen some major digressions, but I will not be one of those. I refuse to be dragged back down into this sand pit of despair. I will move beyond all this by being honest and sincere within myself first, and the rest of the world as a consequence. In summation, Thank you all who have slept with me, thank you in advance to all of those who have yet to sleep with me, and as for those who haven't slept with me: thank you to all those who were honest about wanting to/not wanting to; shame on those who were dishonest about wanting to/not wanting to; and to all of those who were bitter or mean spirited about any above cases, get over it, its just sex.

Ring Tones and Star-Bellied Sneeches
Topic: Social status
What do ring tones and star bellied sneeches have to do with each other? well call me crazy but I had a thought today while listening to the radio. I know what you're thinking, "No way!" right? No, way dude, way. Most of the time the radio either has you singing along mindlessly or all wrapped up in what those funky-fresh "hip" morning dj's are raving all about. This morning was different, well not really, but for the sake of a point I'm going to say it was. I heard a commercial about getting your personalized ring tones. I thought to myself "why would I want to do that?" Then I thought "oh yeah, so I can stand out,...just like everyone else." I remember back when I was in middle school we made fun of the bus driver for having a pager because back in the late 80's when I was in middle school the only people who had pagers were pimps and pushers. Then for a while, everyone had one. That was phase one. I'm going to go ahead and start drawing the parallels to the sneeches here. Phase one for the sneeches started when Sylvester McMonkey McBean came to town and promised the plain-bellied sneeches a little slice of the social-acceptance pie for a small price. It became so enticing that all the previously plain-bellied sneeches now had stars, just like the original star-bellied sneeches. Back to reality, after the pager hype was over, and this was about high school for me, then began the cell phone craze. At first only the well off kids had them, but eventually everyone and their grand-mama had one. Now even kids in elementary schools have them. That one-uping mentality encompasses phase 2. Phase 2 for the sneeches arose when the original star-bellied sneeches felt not-so-special anymore and hunted for a solution to again elevate their social status from the rest of the common folk back to that elitist plateau high above. The answer, two stars. It seems like such a repetitive cycle. Someone keeps coming up with ideas to sell that will make you seem cool and stand out even if only for a little while. That little while being as long as it takes everyone else to catch on that you are trying to stand out and gather enough revenue to stand out with you. We really should take a hint from the sneeches. The only person that won in that game was Sylvester McMonkey McBean because he robbed the sneeches blind of their money and laughed all the way to the bank. (Hey Tanya, the underpants stealing gnomes were right, phase 3 really IS profit!) I just know the masterminds of Altell, Verizon, and AT&T make their predecessors watch Dr.Seuss' Star-bellied Sneeches to ensure that they have the mentality down to keep their fat cat corporations going! Well they won't get my money for the newest Missy E ringtone, thats for sure. I'm on to their game. Call me stubborn but I'm not going to pay 3$ so that when I get a call and I'm in the grocery store I can hold my head up proudly because my phone is ringing Butilicious. What the hell does butilicious even mean by the way? Yeah, not my idea of status symbol. I would rather be recognized for something that I earned and that means something to me. Sometimes it just hurts to think about these things. I guess sometimes its easier to just unplug and go along with what mainstream media tells us is cool. I'm sure there is a happy medium, but for now I'm going to the extreme, no ringtones for me. I'm going on personal protest of those pushy heartless capitalistic commercials, my phone will remain on vibrate in remembrance of those poor acceptance-hungry sneeches. May we all learn to recognize unhealthy behavioral patterns and stop them before they hurt us.

Funky Cheese, and coming into my bloging rythm
Mood:  quizzical
... and just 'cause I can't remember as well as you doesn't mean that I don't still know how to play hard ball. Well ok, yes it does, but when the hell do I ever talk confidently about politics? 25 years old and I'm still riding those fences, maybe one day I'll come to my senses and drive myself home. Whatever, I've got my reasons. these things they please me, but no harm seems to come. Ok, I'm not a desperado either, but I do like to be tricky about things every now and then, like saying that I'm going to bog consistently and then not posting for weeks on end. Sporadic, inconsistent, containing no rhyme or reason. Crazy, I know. Little does everyone else know, I'm a wild spirit who lives his life with the mute button on most of the time. It makes me feel empowered because I like to keep people guessing. Unless you can read minds you don't know what I didn't say. So what does this have to do with anything intelligible? I don't know, I just know it feels good to say it and let some of the crazy out and make room in my head for more new crazy thoughts. Thats all the crazy I care to give for now. Thanks for shopping, please pull forward...