A very special day...
Mood:  amorous
...A beginning of an era,
revelations unfurled,
something special happened,
when you entered this world,

A light for some,
a force for others,
your presence always felt,
one way or another.

A force for some,
for me it was love,
I am thankful for you,
I can't say it enough.

Exit youth, enter wisdom,
beauty is refined,
you're more lovely than ever,
and your just twenty-nine.

so much fire emitted,
yet still a spark left aglow,
Happy birthday to Nathan,
from your loving friend, Joe.

Body Count and The Answer
Mood:  irritated
To all of those who regularly read this blog in hopes of finding a more optimistic point of view from a very jaded society, I encourage you to look away from todays post, for it is not an easy pill to swallow. NO, I mean it, stop here and come back tomorrow if you are not interested in details of my sex life. Ok fine.
In response to certain members of the gay community of Tucson's personal viewpoints, or should I say stereotypes, of what a person of my stature/demeanor/orientation/size/type/insert-your-own-attribute-here should do with his body, I have decided to list, in chronological order every person that I have ever shared more than an innocent kiss with, if ya know what I mean...
1. Jeffery B. c.1994
2. Bobby H. c.2000
3. Nathan S. 2000-
4. Ernest J. c.2001
5. Tobey c.2002
6. Paul D. c.2003
7. Richard W. c.2003
8. Tom D. c.2003
9. Chris R. c.2004
10. B.C R. c.2004
11. Jacob R. c.2004
12. Mike TPDGU c.2004
13. Carlos S. c.2004
14. Rick H. 7-4-2004
15. Andrew B. c.2004

There you have it. 15 partners in 10 years. That calculates out to an average of one and a half partners per year, way under the average I'm sure, not that I'm concerned with that, and certainly not half of Tucson, and definitely not networked across the globe. So for all of those Dubious, Over-assumptious, Presumptuous, Envious, Sycophants out there, and you know who you are, you 'dopes', I say to you "FUCK OFF", or better yet, "GET FUCKED", cause it sure won't be me and maybe after you get a good piece of whatever it is you're after, you can take enough interest in your own pathetic lives to stop wasting time putting mine down. Not that I owe an explanation to anyone, but I actually do have standards that must be met in selecting a sex partner. It's taken some time to clarify them in my own mind, but I know they were always there, despite the fact that youthful ignorance is blinding. My selectiveness of partners is like a fierce zephyr, invisible to all but its commander, yet strong enough to sail great ships across the sea. My own pursuit of interests takes me to some foreign places sometimes, but I remain true to my desires and I am very much capable of acting as my own internal-watchdog/whistle blower.
It saddens me that as much as we are marginalized as members of the homosexual community of Tucson, that rather than unite and support , we choose instead to sit around and find the most gossip laden bean bag and play hot-potato in our overlaying social circles until it has been spread all over town like a bad rash. This is so not what we need people! What the hell ever happened to genuine sincere relationships between friends? Why does even the idea of sex spoil them so much? Can anyone see the bigger picture here? Perhaps this is an eye opener for me. I have found it unimaginably difficult to maintain friends with any gay males either because of sex, the topic of sex, or the lack of sex. This is not to say that there are not other factors at play here. I'm trying to present myself in the least-biased light possible given the fact that I am representing myself in this case. Believe it or not, sex is not at the tip top of my priority list. I've had it, it was fun, but I am looking for something else now. Thats not to say that I wont do it again, but I really am starting to feel an aversion towards it due to the manifestation of some unwelcome ramifications. It seems like people willing to accept change, in themselves primarily, and in the rest of the world eternally. Given a strong enough desire, one person can strive to evolve, to become better, to live freer. It doesn't happen over night, but with effort it can happen. I have seen in my short time here, some amazing transformations. I have also seen some major digressions, but I will not be one of those. I refuse to be dragged back down into this sand pit of despair. I will move beyond all this by being honest and sincere within myself first, and the rest of the world as a consequence. In summation, Thank you all who have slept with me, thank you in advance to all of those who have yet to sleep with me, and as for those who haven't slept with me: thank you to all those who were honest about wanting to/not wanting to; shame on those who were dishonest about wanting to/not wanting to; and to all of those who were bitter or mean spirited about any above cases, get over it, its just sex.

Ring Tones and Star-Bellied Sneeches
Topic: Social status
What do ring tones and star bellied sneeches have to do with each other? well call me crazy but I had a thought today while listening to the radio. I know what you're thinking, "No way!" right? No, way dude, way. Most of the time the radio either has you singing along mindlessly or all wrapped up in what those funky-fresh "hip" morning dj's are raving all about. This morning was different, well not really, but for the sake of a point I'm going to say it was. I heard a commercial about getting your personalized ring tones. I thought to myself "why would I want to do that?" Then I thought "oh yeah, so I can stand out,...just like everyone else." I remember back when I was in middle school we made fun of the bus driver for having a pager because back in the late 80's when I was in middle school the only people who had pagers were pimps and pushers. Then for a while, everyone had one. That was phase one. I'm going to go ahead and start drawing the parallels to the sneeches here. Phase one for the sneeches started when Sylvester McMonkey McBean came to town and promised the plain-bellied sneeches a little slice of the social-acceptance pie for a small price. It became so enticing that all the previously plain-bellied sneeches now had stars, just like the original star-bellied sneeches. Back to reality, after the pager hype was over, and this was about high school for me, then began the cell phone craze. At first only the well off kids had them, but eventually everyone and their grand-mama had one. Now even kids in elementary schools have them. That one-uping mentality encompasses phase 2. Phase 2 for the sneeches arose when the original star-bellied sneeches felt not-so-special anymore and hunted for a solution to again elevate their social status from the rest of the common folk back to that elitist plateau high above. The answer, two stars. It seems like such a repetitive cycle. Someone keeps coming up with ideas to sell that will make you seem cool and stand out even if only for a little while. That little while being as long as it takes everyone else to catch on that you are trying to stand out and gather enough revenue to stand out with you. We really should take a hint from the sneeches. The only person that won in that game was Sylvester McMonkey McBean because he robbed the sneeches blind of their money and laughed all the way to the bank. (Hey Tanya, the underpants stealing gnomes were right, phase 3 really IS profit!) I just know the masterminds of Altell, Verizon, and AT&T make their predecessors watch Dr.Seuss' Star-bellied Sneeches to ensure that they have the mentality down to keep their fat cat corporations going! Well they won't get my money for the newest Missy E ringtone, thats for sure. I'm on to their game. Call me stubborn but I'm not going to pay 3$ so that when I get a call and I'm in the grocery store I can hold my head up proudly because my phone is ringing Butilicious. What the hell does butilicious even mean by the way? Yeah, not my idea of status symbol. I would rather be recognized for something that I earned and that means something to me. Sometimes it just hurts to think about these things. I guess sometimes its easier to just unplug and go along with what mainstream media tells us is cool. I'm sure there is a happy medium, but for now I'm going to the extreme, no ringtones for me. I'm going on personal protest of those pushy heartless capitalistic commercials, my phone will remain on vibrate in remembrance of those poor acceptance-hungry sneeches. May we all learn to recognize unhealthy behavioral patterns and stop them before they hurt us.

Funky Cheese, and coming into my bloging rythm
Mood:  quizzical
... and just 'cause I can't remember as well as you doesn't mean that I don't still know how to play hard ball. Well ok, yes it does, but when the hell do I ever talk confidently about politics? 25 years old and I'm still riding those fences, maybe one day I'll come to my senses and drive myself home. Whatever, I've got my reasons. these things they please me, but no harm seems to come. Ok, I'm not a desperado either, but I do like to be tricky about things every now and then, like saying that I'm going to bog consistently and then not posting for weeks on end. Sporadic, inconsistent, containing no rhyme or reason. Crazy, I know. Little does everyone else know, I'm a wild spirit who lives his life with the mute button on most of the time. It makes me feel empowered because I like to keep people guessing. Unless you can read minds you don't know what I didn't say. So what does this have to do with anything intelligible? I don't know, I just know it feels good to say it and let some of the crazy out and make room in my head for more new crazy thoughts. Thats all the crazy I care to give for now. Thanks for shopping, please pull forward...

Happy Birthday to me!!
Mood:  celebratory
what more needs to be said...

Its Alive!
Mood:  lazy
Finally, I have found the energy, the energy that flows, the energy that drives, the energy to post again. Ok, so it was more than a week that I was away, it was mental reprieve from some mucho brain rattling test. By the way I'm sure I did better this time around, though I won't know for sure for a month or so. So what do I do for a month? Wait impatiently by the mailbox? SHEA! as if! I keep on living the vida loca. Last night was the night before Halloween, a HUGE gay holiday! We started out at some party where the best costume was a small girl in a scooby doo costume, second best being a Musketeer, and best attitude going to Nathan for his broadway worthy portrail of a pimp. Sorry Nathan, no one was your ho's. Later we went to IBT's for the rest of Ajia's drag show and a surprise visit by some friends dressed up as women, and who could forget Frida Kahlo, she was there too. As if that enough, my friend Joe tipped up off to another party in a neighborhood that I cant recall where exactly it was. Anyway, that was the most fun. I saw lots of interesting costumes there, like and , and a Bam-Bam all grown up. I also saw a sailor, lots of vampires and fairies. Elai, I don't know what you were supposed to be but you were the bomb. Apparently we were on the same party circuit as the rest of Tucson because it seems that everyone ended up at this house party. The Musketeer, the Republican Bush women, Us...well not everyone, enough to make it inter sting. I had a lot of fun and was able to pass myself off as the average Joe, or brown trash. I saw Andrew Bush involved in a lovers quarrel with the sailor and I saw Bam-Bam getting a "bumpy" ride. Zoolander was there in the garage taking care of Raggedy Ann who'd had too much to drink, and the Musketeer keep hinting that I take my clothes off. Oh how I love Halloween, or do I love being around gay men. Luckily, last night had both elements.

Ok this time its on!!!
So usually I don't post for a long period of time because I am a slacker of sorts, but this time I slack with reason. I am studying to take a major life changing test this Saturday. I will be run up against everyone else taking this test in order to see who is the mentally fittest and ready to enter the next level of scholastitude! (Wow, scholastitude, its so Don King!)Anyway, I've taken this test before and fallen dead center which means I'm smarter than half the people taking this test, but also dummer than the other half. Ha, Its not really a question of intelligence, its more of a test of information retention, which might sound the same, but is vastly different. Anyway, I am excusing myself from my regularly scheduled activities this week in order to thoroughly prep myself so as to be at the apex of my mental capacity. I will not be drinking any soda at all, which will be tough but I know I can do without the gallstones! Also I will be steering clear of those late hours I keep. I wont be going out at all during the week, and no "extracurricular" activities, not that I do that much anyway, and you wont see me busting out with my funky chicken at any karaoke bars around town this week. Sorry Miss Jackson(Nez/Shoun/Trudeau/Whitmer/Mullen/Broan/Henderson), I am for real. I got lots of refreshing to do and we're not talkin' Irish spring baby! To all my friends and otherwise, Wish me luck on my spiritual journey, I'll see ya in a week.

Tripod links are the devil....
ok, just when I have an awesome little posting all typed out and ready to go, I get this crazy idea that I could sent it over the top by adding a link to the post. In my head I think i just had a stroke of genious, but when I get down to the nuts and bolts, I think Im just having a stroke. For some odd reason, Either my CPU is too slow or my connection is bad, my most witty post has been lost in the gapping vortex of cyberspace. FUCK!
Well, here is my best shot at a recap of myself!


Has it really been since last week that I posted. sometimes time just flies by without us noticing and before we know it, there are these massive gaps between common events. Like how long has it been since I have been hit on through the drive-thru at work? who hits on a pharmacy technician through the drive-thru? It was a boy named Jay. I didn't remember who Jay was until about 10 minutes after he so suavely slipped me his number and drove off. He used to drive a limo. I remember one time a bunch of us hopped in and tried to track down some cute boy from out of town that we saw on the sidewalk sale in his limo. If that doesnt help to decipher which way is up for me then there's no hope...
Another occurance that happened today that hasn't happened in a while is that everyboy I know, make that anyone I know, came to see me at work today. How exciting! Actually it was just Nathan and Richard. Richard caught me with my pants down so to speak. I had shoved a huge piece of chocolate into my mouth right before I saw him walk up, and before I could swallow slippery Dick was gone! Thank you both for the akward, yet, well-intentioned moral support.
So besides that, its been a while since I have been to McKale center. In fact its been so long that I can't remember whether the last time I was there was to go to a basketball game there a billion years ago, or if I took my 300-student General Bioloy Final there at 8 am, also a billion years ago. Anyway, this time I went to go see Michael Moore. I can't think of enough good stuff to say about him, I think I will save it for my shout-out page though. I would like to thank Karen, my friend at work, for having an extra ticket and for telling me about the whole spectacle. Being there felt like watching history in the making, it really felt like such a momentous and significant occasion in my life. How fantastic. I was talking to my Republican boss about Michael Moore (whom he can't stand by the way) and he said that he would be very dissapointed in me if I didn't go to see some other speaker who was coming to the UofA for a counterpoint. I can't remember the name of this speaker, but it's ok, I wasn't planning on going anyway. It's not that I don't care what people think of me, oh wait, that plays a huge part, but I just don't think I should have to sit through that. Afterall, I didn't see my boss at the Mchael Moore Expose among the small clan of ferril republicans present. They were quite revolting in many tenses. I believe myself to be a fairly fair person and if you set an expectation for me then I expect you to meet the same or an equivalent expectation or else all bets are off. Grrr...
oh, one last rare occurence, I haven't had Miss Saigon in a while. I always love Mi Ga Ca. I can never remember what it is, but its always a slice of heaven, especailly when served with a cool glass of coconut milk tea, WITHOUT the little black tapioca balls of death, thank you!

Today is a great day
Mood:  celebratory
Of course I would love to have that attitude every day but it simply isn't done. goodness, there just isn't enough serotonin to go around. One of the reasons that I'm extremely happy today is that fact that I spoke with the volunteer coordinator at Odyssey Hospice today and it looks like I will be volunteering there. It might seem morose to some, but it seems like a really great deal. Sure people are going to die, but you get to help make sure that they appreciate and hopefully enjoy life all the way to the end.Of course I don't understand it fully, but Bruce sent me home with a dictionary of paperwork (not joking) to read before our next scheduled meeting. And I hate to read, but I honestly don't mind now because it's for a great cause. I recently saw my own mortality and looked it in the eye, its was scary but it made me appreciate what I have and has enlivened my outlook on life. Its a fantastic day and I hope that you stop and notice every once in a while. Before I forget, Michael, I started your painting, it looks great so far. Much love to all.

Thats what friends are for...
Mood:  lucky
Ive said it before and Ill say it again, I love my friends. I would do almost anything for them, including giving them the shirt off of my own person, and I say that only because it has happened before. Yes, anyone who can stand to put up with my mood swings and passive aggressive beauty queen complex is ok in my book. Better, you deserve an award. So, like I may have said, I probably said some really nasty things to some of my friends on Saturday night, granted it was under the influence of that damned Fire Water, but they still came out of my mouth. Momma Mora says that real friends look past one little slip up cause they know who you really are. I hope that is the case. I know at least half of the people I verbally accosted think I'm just swell. One in particular is Shawna. She is the best fag hag, I think everyone should get one, they are great for emotional support and they really help you get back in touch with your inner child. After all, who could talk you into putting on a big furry cat mask in the middle of a Target filled with hot men solely for the purpose of taking a picture? A fag hag, thats who. Cheers to all those who still choose to call me a friend, and another cheers to those friends who still call me.