Body Count and The Answer
Mood:  irritated
To all of those who regularly read this blog in hopes of finding a more optimistic point of view from a very jaded society, I encourage you to look away from todays post, for it is not an easy pill to swallow. NO, I mean it, stop here and come back tomorrow if you are not interested in details of my sex life. Ok fine.
In response to certain members of the gay community of Tucson's personal viewpoints, or should I say stereotypes, of what a person of my stature/demeanor/orientation/size/type/insert-your-own-attribute-here should do with his body, I have decided to list, in chronological order every person that I have ever shared more than an innocent kiss with, if ya know what I mean...
1. Jeffery B. c.1994
2. Bobby H. c.2000
3. Nathan S. 2000-
4. Ernest J. c.2001
5. Tobey c.2002
6. Paul D. c.2003
7. Richard W. c.2003
8. Tom D. c.2003
9. Chris R. c.2004
10. B.C R. c.2004
11. Jacob R. c.2004
12. Mike TPDGU c.2004
13. Carlos S. c.2004
14. Rick H. 7-4-2004
15. Andrew B. c.2004

There you have it. 15 partners in 10 years. That calculates out to an average of one and a half partners per year, way under the average I'm sure, not that I'm concerned with that, and certainly not half of Tucson, and definitely not networked across the globe. So for all of those Dubious, Over-assumptious, Presumptuous, Envious, Sycophants out there, and you know who you are, you 'dopes', I say to you "FUCK OFF", or better yet, "GET FUCKED", cause it sure won't be me and maybe after you get a good piece of whatever it is you're after, you can take enough interest in your own pathetic lives to stop wasting time putting mine down. Not that I owe an explanation to anyone, but I actually do have standards that must be met in selecting a sex partner. It's taken some time to clarify them in my own mind, but I know they were always there, despite the fact that youthful ignorance is blinding. My selectiveness of partners is like a fierce zephyr, invisible to all but its commander, yet strong enough to sail great ships across the sea. My own pursuit of interests takes me to some foreign places sometimes, but I remain true to my desires and I am very much capable of acting as my own internal-watchdog/whistle blower.
It saddens me that as much as we are marginalized as members of the homosexual community of Tucson, that rather than unite and support , we choose instead to sit around and find the most gossip laden bean bag and play hot-potato in our overlaying social circles until it has been spread all over town like a bad rash. This is so not what we need people! What the hell ever happened to genuine sincere relationships between friends? Why does even the idea of sex spoil them so much? Can anyone see the bigger picture here? Perhaps this is an eye opener for me. I have found it unimaginably difficult to maintain friends with any gay males either because of sex, the topic of sex, or the lack of sex. This is not to say that there are not other factors at play here. I'm trying to present myself in the least-biased light possible given the fact that I am representing myself in this case. Believe it or not, sex is not at the tip top of my priority list. I've had it, it was fun, but I am looking for something else now. Thats not to say that I wont do it again, but I really am starting to feel an aversion towards it due to the manifestation of some unwelcome ramifications. It seems like people willing to accept change, in themselves primarily, and in the rest of the world eternally. Given a strong enough desire, one person can strive to evolve, to become better, to live freer. It doesn't happen over night, but with effort it can happen. I have seen in my short time here, some amazing transformations. I have also seen some major digressions, but I will not be one of those. I refuse to be dragged back down into this sand pit of despair. I will move beyond all this by being honest and sincere within myself first, and the rest of the world as a consequence. In summation, Thank you all who have slept with me, thank you in advance to all of those who have yet to sleep with me, and as for those who haven't slept with me: thank you to all those who were honest about wanting to/not wanting to; shame on those who were dishonest about wanting to/not wanting to; and to all of those who were bitter or mean spirited about any above cases, get over it, its just sex.